The fact that mainstream "high street" adult
shops find it worthwhile to also stock some bondage
equipment suggests that some otherwise "vanilla"
couples incorporate elements of bondage into their sex
lives at some point in their relationships.
Leaving aside those couples who are
themselves part of the BDSM "community", the
use of bondage within couples tends to be very different
from and separate from that normally associated with
BDSM. Couples' private bondage games largely take place
behind closed doors, and constitute foreplay, usually
as a prelude to the couple having sex. There may or
may not be some elements of dominance and submission
involved as part of role play, but sadism and/or masochism
rarely play any part unless the couple already has such
leanings. This contrasts with activity in the BDSM subculture,
where the emphasis is often more on bondage for its
own sake, frequently ending in masturbation only, or
indeed involving no sexual contact at all. These differences
can lead to misunderstanding if couples who have tried
private bondage games encounter the BDSM subculture.
Bondage within couples usually involves
one partner being voluntarily tied-up or put into restraints
(i.e. bound / cuffed / spread-eagled etc) by the other,
who then either sexually pleasures the tied partner
(using manual masturbation, oral sex, vibrating sex
toys etc.); or has sex with them while they are restrained,
or of course both.
The erotic appeal is often in the
form of feedback from the writhing / struggles / vocalizations
etc of the tied partner. The tied partner may derive
pleasure from being in a largely "helpless"
predicament in the hands of a trusted partner, and the
other may enjoy the mild domination involved in having
their partner in that predicament. Either way, many
established couples find playing bondage games relationship-affirming,
as they both require and imply a level of trust between
the partners that is not normally found within more
casual relationships, as well as being a shared "private"
facet of their sex life that most couples prefer to
keep just between the two of them.
This form of bondage has its own niche
on some internet websites, where images and movies usually
depict voluntarily-tied models undergoing inescapable
intense sexual pleasuring, rather than any menace, force
or pain.
Safety rules followed by couples are
frequently context - and trust - based. As the tied
partner will more often than not be held in a submissive
sex position, sex therefore takes place with their pre-agreed
consent. For example a still photograph taken out-of-context
at that moment would suggest a very different story
to that of a consensual sex game / mutual rape fantasy
enactment etc.
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